About

In her late-twenties, Susan Hanson left a promising advertising career to become a Hollywood screenwriter. What followed was one tragicomic mishap after another: a failed marriage and office affairs; a stint in an LA flophouse and obsessive fantasies over a film producer; bulimia, a bipolar study, and stockpiling IRS bills. She also encountered a rogue’s gallery of misogynists, rock-hard bad boys, conspiracy theorists and A-list celebrities.

When the dust settled, Susan found herself writing for the world’s most elite luxury travel network, globetrotting in glam style and making six figures for the first time in her life. She moved into a sweet little bungalow in one of Seattle’s toniest neighborhoods, drove a new Prius, and wore five-hundred-dollar designer boots.

Yet even as she hobnobbed with one-percenters who waved around black cards, her own bank account hovered in the red. She constantly felt like a fraud, a huckster hopped up on copious amounts of caffeine, sugar, and marijuana just to make it through the day. She spent tens of thousands of dollars on self-help books, tarot sessions, and weekend seminars with a guru who proclaimed to have a hotline to God. Her brain was as fogged as San Francisco Bay, while her closest relationships were with the gang on Friends. With her closets a mess and the dominoes continuing to fall, she clung ever tighter to that long-shot, celluloid dream that would solve all her woes.

Now, if she could only find her dammed keys.

CRAZY TO BE ME is the humorous, brutally honest story of a woman navigating life while unknowingly grappling with ADHD—the debilitating effects of which have only recently been recognized in women. Through colorful vignettes and candid self-observation, Susan pulls the reader along on this rollercoaster redemption story with all its many twists and turns, cloud-nine highs and rock-bottom lows. Eventually an accurate diagnosis, medication, and a wall full of sticky notes allow her to get back on track, move past the shame and stigma of mental illness, and reclaim her own power and sense of self.

At once heart-warming and heart-wrenching, thoroughly engaging and on-the-floor funny, CRAZY TO BE ME tells the story of a woman who is unafraid to do the hard work, poking around in the darkest corners of her psyche and thereby exposing them to the light of grace. By wearing her failures and many foibles on her sleeve, Susan gives others permission to face their fears, accept their own faults, and move forward in their lives—all while enjoying a few adventures and laughs in the process.

Susan Hanson is a freelance writer and editor, as well as the creator of Coin Trick, a podcast series for kids based in Native storytelling. She currently lives in Bellingham, WA.

A Note From Susan

My ADHD diagnosis in 2018 was an epiphany for me. A bolt of clarity as to why I kept making the same mistakes over and over. Why, despite the best of intentions, I could never seem to achieve my goals and dreams.

Yet while my diagnosis brought a new level of self-awareness, it didn't provide a blueprint for how to keep myself from making those same blunders.

So after going around on the hamster wheel of success and failure yet again, I finally decided it was time to write a new story for myself. In order to do so, I needed to share this old one. I hope it provides you with some insights and a chuckle or two.

Those of you who may be going through your own identity crisis, please hear me when I say: You are okay. You are. Just keep listening to your inner voice, your intuition, your gut, whatever you call it—just listen. You will always be given the answer, always be shown the way to the next stage, the next lesson, the next level of awareness.

To other ADHD women, I encourage you to become your own best advocate. Do your research, ask questions, speak up, and, if necessary, change health-care providers.

Oh, and buy stickie notes. Lots and lots of stickie notes.

5 Absolutely Random Facts About Me

I bungeed off the Victoria Falls Bridge—and have video to prove it.

I sabered a Champagne bottle on my first try —using a mini-ski.

I used to have a life-size cutout of Magic Johnson in my office.

I once spent three days trapped in the Minneapolis skyway system during a record snowstorm.

I smoked a hookah with a storeowner in Sharm-El-Sheikh, only to learn that he grew up just miles from where she was then living in Chicago.